I used to be the girl that took everyone's bullshit, and let it lay on my shoulders. What it did for me though was make me stronger, and it made me realize how easy it is to brush it off now. I'm starting to find my true self which is a good thing and a bad thing. It's good that I am not lost anymore, but it's bad that I am starting to want different things. But right now while I am still trying to figure myself out, I'll be Flying free like a bird :)
I don’t know how to live my life anymore. I honestly don’t know. I don’t know where I’m going, or who to take along on the journey. All I want to do right now is get away from everything. I want to be alone, and figure things out without being afraid of what will happen.
We met about two years ago. I never knew that after 8 months of being close that we would be the best of friends. I even thought at one point that I was developing feelings for you, but my family told me that it was wrong to. You were into some bad stuff at the time (I remember I had to take care of you when you came to school high— that was a day I was disappointed in you, but you told me how much I meant to you). We were amazing until I started dating someone that I now today call my best friend and that I love very much. I never thought me and him were going to last this long, but along the way I lost you. At first you drifted and later came back to me, but then when me and him started getting serious I drifted. I tried as much as I can to keep you close, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t fair the way I led you on and the way I drifted but you need to know that I had to. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I did develop feelings for you. When I said I loved you, I meant it. Whenever we hugged, I loved the closeness (especially that one day you were so excited to see me in school, after not for about a couple weeks, that once you saw me your face lit up and I heard say my name in your happy voice as you scooped me up in your arms). Whenever we would say that we would die without each other, I did believe it or not. A part of me died, and to this day I can still say that I wish I had you. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend with all that I got and I would do anything for him because he has been the best thing to ever happen to me in my entire life. But you, you were the first guy that I could be myself around and you were my first love and best friend. I have so many wishes when it comes to you, and us… The one that is at the top of the list though… is that… I wish you the best, and to let you know that I’ll always love you. You hate me now, but I won’t. Thank you for the memories that I will always cherish.
I came in like a wrecking ball. I never hit so hard in love. All I wanted was to break your walls. All you ever did was wreck me. I came in like a wrecking ball. Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung. Left me crashing in a blazing fall, all you ever did was wreck me.
Yeah, you, you wreck me.” <3
I had everything. The friends, the perfect boyfriend, easy life. But over time, my world began to shift. Things broke apart and drifted away from my world. It was good and bad at the same time because I didn’t have everything anymore. The friends are gone. I have a job now with issues at home. My boyfriend is still perfect, but not as much as he used to be. His past comes up a lot, and I don’t know how to get over it. If only something can happen, a miracle, to shift my world again where I have everything but not the things that tore my world apart in the first place… But where to start. I’ll do anything I can to be on top of the world again.